a new year's resolution

new years eve and here i sit
on the couch and smell of shit
no need to hold the sphinctor door
when by your side she is no more
it's only vapor i'm glad to say
product of queso and beans today
but as i wander, surfing alone
i think of her and the past long gone
when next to me she'd snuggle tight
on the big cushion there on the right
here we'd sit staring at the screen
night after night from fall to spring
then this year it seems the tale it turned
the writers asked and they were spurned
so there we were with nothing to watch
but kristi yamaguchi and her bulbous crotch
skating and soaps and game shows and reruns
and some football sure, but no one i'd bet on
it left us defenseless but to talk on our own
when it dawned on me that i felt all alone
though there she sat and spoke true and clear
i stared blankly, blinked and all i could hear
was the sound of air next to my head
and then i realized not couch and tv, but instead
a world was outside and there i'd explore
hiking, biking, spelunking and more
but then again it would take some sweat
and toil and work and stuff like that
then i remembered why this notion was born
so i killed the bitch and watched some porn.